If you want to make a very sick person very angry just suggest to him or her to go and get tested for HIV. The very sick person and sometimes those around him or her will look at you with such disdain as if you have suggested that he or she should go to hell and sup with the devil himself. I am very happy to say that many people whom I advised to go for HIV testing while they were very ill initially got very angry later came back to thank me for the good advice.
In August of 1999 while doing holiday lessons with my O level class one girl learner stood up and asked me if I was aware that I was losing weight very fast. I had been so engrossed with my teaching work that I wasn’t aware of my rapid weight loss and my deteriorating health. I took a rapid check of my physical self there and then and realized that I was honestly in pretty bad shape. I thanked the young girl for her concern and informed the rest of the class that I was unwell though I felt no pain at all and would be going for a medical check. That’s how my journey towards TB diagnosis which culminated in my testing HIV positive began. A lot of people cannot stand being told that their health is deteriorating.
The self Stigma and shame are a result of the association of HIV with irresponsible and immoral sexual behaviours usually those related to prostitution and drug abuse among other causes. Truth is HIV is just like any other ordinary health condition and nobody should have any reason to feel ashamed if they test positive .
Many people are very evasive when it comes to their personal health issues leading to many dying without accessing proper health care for their illnesses. One’s health is one’s responsibility and great effort by the individual concerned should be made to ensure that one remains healthy for as long as possible. Many children have grown up as orphans because their parents chose not to seek help when they became infected with HIV due to feelings of shame.
Self Stigma is a situation where one fails to accept their HIV status and opts to continuously refuse to accept their current status temporarily or permanently. Those on self stigma feel very bad each time somebody talks about HIV. They believe everybody knows their status and keep themselves away from other people. Self stigma is very dangerous because if not handled well those affected can commit suicide or in some cases end up mad or endanger other people’s. Time has come when HIV has lost most of its venom and nobody should feel threatened by being positive. I admire the attitude taken by many people living with disabilities most if not all never feel sorry for themselves for their physical condition and stand up for themselves and demand to be treated like every other person wherever they are.
The self blaming HIV positive person is one who is always blaming life and him or herself for being HIV positive. He or she is angry with life and himself and wishes he or she were dead .These are the people who threaten to infect the whole world and are not happy to see anyone around them enjoying life .I have asked this kind of HIV positive person whose mother’s child did they want to be infected with HIV if not them .These self blaming people live recklessly and in some instances refuse to take their ART as prescribed and die early .They are very difficult and very irritating to live with.
My most sincere advice to these guys is learn to accept your situation with happiness because that’s where you are now. So far once one tests positive they remain positive for life and everyone living with HIV needs to understand this. I and my family have accepted that we are HIV positive and will remain so for life so let’s make the most out of this life that God has given us in the best way we can. We don’t feel sorry for ourselves and we work very hard in all that we do to improve our lives . I strongly believe that we are among the most useful people in our neighborhood and beyond. We enjoy gardening and hosting people at our home. My family doesn’t blame me for having brought HIV to them like I have seen others blaming and counter blaming each other. The self stigma and self blaming HIV positive people are causing a lot of problems not only to themselves but to those around them and this should stop now for it will not help anyone in the end.
Piason Maringwa*
+263774322043*
