In this life there are things we cannot choose to be or to have. We cannot choose our parents or where to be born neither can we choose our sex i.e being male or female or how our lives will end naturally.
When our HIV born daughter tested HIV positive way back around 2007 I had a torrid time trying make her cope with her positive status and to convince her that being HIV positive was not a big curse or the worst thing to happen to anyone. I worked on her so hard to convince her to accept it just as I had done and learn to live with it positively. I went on to ask her which would she choose if given a choice, being born HIV positive or being born physically disabled and she chose being born HIV positive. What I didn’t know up until recently was that all along my daughter had gone through the worst forms of stigma and discrimination imaginable from both her school mates and some adults due to her frail and skeletally thin body. Some people had already concluded that because I was going about disclosing my positive status therefore she was also positive which of course she was but they had no right to judge her so. I only got to know this when I read through the script of her yet to be published book she has recently written. Her book entitled*Overcoming Stigma and Related Challenges* gives vivid details of the stigma and discrimination she had to endure both in the village and at school.
After I tested positive in 1999 I began to suspect that our daughter could be positive as well but I was afraid to tell her and her mother since I was the culprit who had brought the HIV into our home. After much persuasion and encouragement we managed to convince our daughter that being HIV positive was not the worst thing under the sun as there were many people suffering from worse inflictions than being HIV+. In certain families children born HIV positive are up in arms against their parents accusing them of unfairly infecting them .There is no need to for these children to blame their parents just like there is no need blame parents for giving birth to disabled people. No parent wants to give birth to an HIV positive child this can only happen unintentionally.
Overcoming stigma and discrimination should start in the family home with all family members involved in showing acceptance ,love and compassion to their infected fellow family member .A lot of people out there who have been tested and are HIV positive are not keen to tell their family members because they fear rejection and discrimination by family members. The worst part is when a married couple has one member who is HIV positive and has not disclosed to his or her partner their positive status. Some HIV+ people get married knowing their positive status but without telling their partners their positive statuses hoping that after engaging in sex their partners would also later test positive and no one will blame anyone. This has in most cases back fired as the negative partner stubbornly remains negative.A lot of negative people have knowingly or unknowingly had sexual relations with HIV positive partners and failed to be infected with HIV. When people get into serious love affairs and decide to get married they should get tested first so that they make informed decisions.
More work should be done to make both school children and adults know how to interact with HIV positive fellow learners and workmates without causing them unnecessary discrimination and pain. A lot of children have committed suicide or dropped out of school after being discriminated against by fellow learners. In work places the situation is the same with those facing discrimination taking drastic steps to deal with those discriminating them sometimes with fatal consequences.
When I say stigma is still rife out there you some people think I am joking. Those of us living with HIV/AIDs know exactly what the situation is like on the ground. There is self stigma where one distances oneself from others suspecting that everyone knows that they’re positive. The self stigmatizing individual can also make conclusions that if they tell their family members or friends they will be discriminated against. I have counselled lots of people who feared telling their parents, siblings or partners their positive statuses fearing rejection and discrimination. The worst punishment any HIV person can endure is living a lie and a life of pretence that everything is ok when everything is not. Living in hiding is like a criminal on the run and the relief that comes to the criminal when he is finally caught is similar to the relief felt by a positive person who has just disclosed and has been accepted without any big issue. People who disclose should be congratulated by all those close to them including their spouses , workmates and employers.
A new and deliberate approach should be adopted to destroy stigma and discrimination thereby encouraging all those of us who are positive to take our ARVs publicly without the current fear and shame affecting us. When I take my ARVs publicly some people think I am just pretending to be HIV positive when in actual fact I am not some even think that I write these articles as just a way of encouraging those who are positive to disclose. The truth is I am a really HIV positive man with a really positive wife and a really positive 31 year old daughter and mother to 3 HIV negative boys. I have lived with HIV knowingly for over 30 years .My immediate family especially my wife has been the pillar of my long life with HIV because of the support and love she has shown me since I disclosed my HIV to her and later to our 2 children .When I am away from home my wife constantly checks to find out whether I have taken my ARVs .I owe a lot to this wonderful woman and I don’t even know whether I deserve such an understanding wife considering all the bad things I have done to her .
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Piason Maringwa
