This week I travelled to Mutare to check on my daughter who lives there with her husband and their 3 boy children. We had a wonderful time I can tell you and I was really impressed by the unity and love in their home.
I think those that have been following my weekly articles and those who have read my book know that my daughter was born HIV positive and she’s also married to an HIV positive young man and they’re blessed with 3 HIV negative boys. Some people accuse us of practicing stigma and discrimination as a family because we encouraged our daughter to marry from amongst our HIV positive fraternity instead of just marrying anyhow.
Critics need to understand that having lived with HIV for so many years ourselves we understood the challenges that exist in the HIV/AIDs landscape better and hence we had to advise our daughter accordingly. We even asked her in laws whether they knew that the lady their son was getting married to was HIV positive and they agreed that they knew and went further to say theirs was also positive and that’s how I then agreed to have the marriage rituals proceed.
We have seen very nasty situations where couples have accused each other and in some instances almost killed each other because of HIV. There is lots of bitterness and mistrust, anger in many families out there which is unnecessary because it won’t change anything. We need to accept what is there just like that.
Children are very delicate people and need to be understood if one is to win their trust. I am writing this article during the week when Zimbabwean schools have just closed and many children are now on a month long vacation. Unfortunately, these days our children no longer have time with their parents or guardians as they’re already going for vacation school. What this therefore means is our children are most times either on their own or with their teachers.
Parental care and teaching is no longer part of today’s children lives. It’s not a secret that we have a substantial number of children who were born and are living with HIV. These children know that being or living with HIV is not a walk in the park. They know that everything to do with their HIV from taking ART and talking about it should be done secretly and with only those who know their status and these are parents.
I know from experience how difficult it is to discuss your children’s HIV positive status with them but it has to be done. Parents need to create an enabling environment with their children in order to make communication easier . Children need to know their parents’ health issues especially those that are terminal like the cancers, the diabetes, the HIVs among others so that they get used to the idea.
Knowing my HIV positive status by my children made our job easier when our daughter tested HIV positive later on because she knew already what it was like to be positive. Our daughter had been the one bringing me tablets and reminding me of the times to take them. She also knew the stigma and discrimination surrounding HIV as she had heard people including relatives talking badly about my positive status behind my back. Infact she knew some bad things people said about my being HIV positive which I didn’t know.
I only came to know some of these and the stigma and discrimination she went through as a child when I recently read her articles and yet to be published books which she is writing. She also mentions that she learnt and gained a lot of confidence from me. My testimonies and the confidence with which I presented myself wherever I was gave her confidence too.
We need to encourage our children to adhere and collect medication on time. Let’s always be for them and with them so that they build trust. All children have lots of respect for their parents especially their *macho*fathers nomatter how small or frail father is our children think we can beat the daylights from all other people out there. It is therefore the duty of every parent to help their child gain confidence.
During my days as a teacher I helped many children who were grappling knowingly or unknowingly with HIV. There were these children whose health appeared so fragile and their parents or guardians had tried everything except having them tested for HIV.I would in most cases discover that they were orphans after their parents had died mostly from AIDS. I would then work with the grandparents encouraging them to have the children tested for HIV and in all cases the result would be positive. We would then help the child accept his/her status and regain confidence. In my case it was easy because everyone knew that I was positive and it made things a lot easier. All the children I helped in this way are all doing very well in their adult lives and I am so happy about it.
I left Mutare this morning with all three grandchildren from my daughter and I am taking them to meet with my other two grandchildren from my son for the April/May vacation at my rural home in Gokwe chief Mukoka. I am saying this to inspire those parents who are bitter, angry and are continually blaming whatever made them and their children be positive. Being positive is not a criminal offence neither is having an a positive child or children a curse .Our job as parents is to build confidence in our children let them grow as any other child and you’ll be proud of them later on in life.
When I tested positive I was very sick from TB and my wife and children were very young with our children at 8 and 3 but today they’re adults and I am now retired from my teaching job and am I happy now playing with my own five grandchildren. Whoever thought I would get this far only God knew and that’s why I always exalt Him.
Piason Maringwa
+263774322043
