While a lot of people now claim that HIV/AIDs is nolonger as frightening as it was during the past 10 to 20 ago truth is there is still a lot of fear, shame and stigma out there.
The fact that there are still people who are afraid to disclose or take their ART medication publicly tells a different story. A lot still needs to be done to make people feel comfortable in disclosing and taking their ART without feeling ashamed or be stigmatized. Disclosure makes life very easy for both the HIV positive and those around them. Disclosure also makes life easy for those intending to get married and those in casual or permanent relationships as they are able to make informed choices on how to navigate their relationships.
When I tested positive in 1999 I felt obliged to disclose first to my wife of 10 years then as soon as I was fully recovered from TB which had landed me in hospital and subsequently led to the HIV test. The idea to disclose was so that my wife would be able to choose whether to continue life with me in my new status or start a new life with our 2 children who were then around 5 and 8 then. The disclosure freed me from that feeling of unease affecting many couples who are keeping their positive statuses a personal secret today. I had made up my mind that if my wife tested negative and decided to move on with her life with our 2 children without me I wouldn’t object. My wife declined to get tested as she feared she couldn’t stand a positive result if she got one. Thereafter we had to make informed choices on how to navigate our sexual life and finally opted for protected sex which we practised for the next 18 years. Unbeknown to us was the fact that while we were trying to protect my wife from infection she was already infected as both she and our now 32 years old daughter born positive in 1994 later tested positive.
The danger bedeviling the HIV landscape today is the proliferation of marriages and relationships without getting tested first. There are also those marriages and relationships where one or both partners know that they are HIV positive but choose not to inform their partners for fear of rejection. There are also a lot of young people who were born HIV positive and are now adults getting into relationships and marriages and from the surface no one can tell that they’re positive because they look very healthy. Most of these young positive young people know their statuses but don’t inform their partners who when they get to know about it later on all hell breaks loose. Disclosure is key in making informed choices and long lasting relationships and marriages. Our marriage is now 37 years old because we chose disclosure over temporary relief from a life of lies. Our now 32 years old daughter born HIV positive’s marriage is now 10 years old because she like us chose disclosure over the short comfort of lies.
Marriage and love are gifts from God and nothing can stop two people in love from marrying each other when they so wish even if one of them is a known HIV positive case. Truth always makes life very easy and enjoyable. I suspect that I got positive long before I got married but as soon as I learnt that I was positive my first foot forward was to inform my wife and those close to me and my life has been so smooth ever since. Judging a person’s status from their physical appearance is very deceiving as a lot of healthy looking people out there are not all negative so a person’s status can only be determined through a proper HIV test and not through visual testing. There is no harm in people of different statuses getting into relationships or marriage as long as they are doing it from an informed point of view. Those who learn that they’re HIV positive while in marriage don’t hesitate to inform your partner so that they know and make their decision. There are a lot of discordant couples living very healthy lives out there. Our family is a living example of a life well lived with HIV for over 30 years. I am so grateful to God for giving me a loving wife, children and very supportive friends who have stood with me all through this adventure. A big portion of my life has been lived knowingly with HIV and I strongly suspect that had it not been for God’s Grace, disclosure and support from wife, family and friends I wouldn’t be alive today. My article next week will look at why I strongly believe that Disclosure helps in HIV mitigation.
I have written a book chronicling my life with HIV titled “The Extra Time” which costs only $10 cash and $11 ecocash. Those who want a copy can contact me on my number below for arrangements on how to get their copy.
Piason Maringwa
+263774322043
