BY: Princess Coslett Natalie Chingoka
We’ve all had a crush sometime in our lives, and if we didn’t yet, it’s ok… There’s always that one guy or girl who makes your knees weak and gives you butterflies, makes you think of all rainbows and endless possibilities of freedom, joy and love- yeah that one… In most cases, he/she doesn’t even know you exist. What a shame ne? According to Psychology Today, 98% of people have suffered from the pain of unrequited love at one point or another in their lifetime. Guess it’s perfectly normal to have a crush on someone who doesn’t or will never love you back.
Q. What is unrequited love anyways?
A. Also known as one sided love, is one that is not openly reciprocated or understood as such by the beloved (Wikipedia). In simple terms it’s strong romantic feelings for someone for does not feel the same.
Crushes are a common thing right? So why do we always fall hard and feel strongly for those who don’t even look twice at us, though who don’t even know about our existence or even care for that matter? I once read somewhere that ‘we are infatuated with the feeling of control — that if we turn up a certain way we will succeed in our conquest. We develop a sense of power over the situation by thinking we can “do something” to make them love us back’.
Oftentimes we get hurt in the process, fighting for something we know deep down can never be ours, yet we still persist with ‘hope’ that things might change. Sometimes (very rare) they actually do!
Now crushes aren’t an easy thing to deal with, an unrequited lover can’t just let go and forget about everything just like that. It’s a painful process especially when one has to come to terms with the fact that it’ll always be 1 sided, a crush, an infatuation and perhaps a dangerous obsession. Nonetheless here are tips and ways to stop liking someone who will never reciprocate and how to get over a crush;
★Be honest with yourself – you know the odds of your crush loving you back are slim to non, why keep bothering and lying to yourself that they’ll like you back someday?
★Allow yourself to grieve what you’ve lost- once you accept your loss it’s easy to move on.
★Avoid triggers- anything that reminds you of why you love that person or why they’ll never be yours, just avoid!
★Focus your energy on yourself – instead of putting effort and trying to impress someone else, focus on building yourself up and being the best version of yourself.
★ Take a break from the friendship – things could go wrongly, just give them a break until you get over it.
★Practice radical self care
★Acknowledge all the reasons it realistically wouldn’t work – thank me later on this one… Life isn’t a fairytale or romcom, put feelings aside and logic first.
And the most important of all:
★REALIZE ITS NOT YOU- you’re not the problem here, it’s not your fault that they don’t like you, perhaps they have different tastes just as how someone probably likes you too but you’re focused on someone else, ahh such is life. The hardest part is trying to figure out why this person/crush doesn’t like you trying to look for your flaws, and figure out what’s wrong with you. Nothing is wrong with you at all. It’s just how it is. After all, it’s his/her loss!
A toxic way to get over someone? Just look at every negative thing, every flaw, every weakness and everything you hate about that person, the more you notice these small icks or red flags, the less you feel for them and the infatuations gradually decline.
If love was a topic in O level mathematics, it’d be inequalities!😂
Don’t go searching for love in the wrong places, know where to put that love. Remember God loves you.
