On 21 October 1978 my Form 1 class teacher at Manunure High in Kwekwe Mr LB Sibanda personally came to our classroom to inform me about the sudden death of my beloved father the previous week.
My father had been shot dead by a member of Muzorewa’s auxillary forces and the school had received a call from the police in Gokwe on my behalf.Mr Sibanda took me outside the classroom to break the devastating news.
When I started crying Mr Sibanda did something that has remained a big surprise to me up to this day, instead of telling me to be brave and stop weeping he held me tightly and wept with me for a long time and all the time hugging me tightly to his chest his tears mingling with mine as we both wailed loudly while my fellow classmates who had yet to hear the full reason for our crying stood helplessly there watching.
Mr Sibanda never knew my father but still he wept with me because he knew me and felt the pain that I was going through.
When my classmates later learnt that my father had died so tragically they all broke into uncontrolled weeping and soon the whole school was in mourning. In the end I felt so comforted and my grief was reduced to manageable levels and as if that was not enough Mr Field our Headmaster then, called me to his office to tell me that it would not be safe for me to travel to Gokwe then to pay my last respects to my father because of the war situation so alternative plans would be made to see that my fees were paid.
Mr Phiri our afable Deputy Head was tasked there and then to work with the Social Welfare Department to see to the payment of my fees and my other needs. Though I was in grief I felt so much loved and the burden of my father’s death was made less painful by the love of those so close to me. I felt so much loved as I realized that I was not alone in my grief
Time was when people really loved and really cared for others without feeling ashamed or afraid of doing so publicly. These days love has gone away and has been replaced by hatred and a kind of cruelty even the Devil is afraid of . Today’s people celebrate other people’s problems to a point where one would be correct to say we are now living in a world full of sadists and perverts.
Some find it fun to take videos and pictures of dead and seriously injured people at accident scenes and posting them on social media without thinking about the impact such pictures have on the concerned parties. Imagine the trauma of suddenly seeing a picture or video of your loved one dead or seriously injured on social media without prior knowledge of the accident.
When we visit our sick relatives be it in hospital or at home we must show empathy that we are with them in their pain and we genuinely wish them well.
While in admission at St Luke’s hospital in 1999 I saw very sick people recovering because they felt loved by their relatives while those without caring and loving relatives but not as seriously ill failed to recover and died due to lack of love and care. Love is medicine if you didn’t know.
When someone tells us that they are happy because they have acquired or achieved something we must show that we feel genuinely happy with them by our expressions and congratulatory messages or speeches. Last week a young lady in our village appeared so excited and when I asked her whether she was engaged to someone she told me that she had secured a place at the University of Zimbabwe and she would be going there to study medicine in August. I heartly congratulated her and was she happy as she told me I was the first to do so and she greatly appreciated my kindness. I strongly believe feeling in love and being loved is one of the basic needs of human life. Genuine expressions of love can be interpreted quite easily and at no time should we try to fake love especially to very sick people because they can see through real and fake love. Our facial and bodily expressions can easily betray us.
When you visit a sick relative try to make them feel loved by talking kindly to them avoiding painful past events or remind them of the wrongs they may have done in the past. A lot of those people who are said to have suddenly died without ever being ill have been ill sometimes for very long periods but tried to act strong while diseases consumed them from inside because they were afraid of being rebuked by those close to them.
The reason why so many HIV positive people fear to disclose their HIV positive statuses is the fear of rebuke and rejection. They’d rather die quietly than expose themselves to stigma and discrimination of the worst kind. I am so greatly grateful to my wife Mai Simba for being so tolerant and accommodating as during all the time we have been on ART she has never accused me of being the cause. I have witnessed cases where some couples continuously and embarrassingly remind each other that had it not been for the other partner’s irresponsible behaviour they would not be taking ARVs for life.
It doesn’t feel good to be always reminded of a crime or offense you committed long back. Cases of husbands reminding their wives of how they were not virgins when they married them each time they quarrel are many. Let by gones be by gones and move forward with life as if nothing happened.
There are people who are always sad or angry and so difficult to be with. Some are so difficult to be with and their behaviour is very difficult to predict or interpret. They never laugh and they think they are acting very strong but this kind of behaviour is very bad in the long run. In our lives there always comes a time where one needs other people’s help and if you are or have been uncommunicative people may find it to difficult to help you. Truth is as human beings we should all learn to open up and share our feelings be they sad or happy with others. Life spent sadly is like life worsted because God wants us happy all the time since He gave each one of us just one life. My final advice to all out there is no matter how important or unimportant you are try to mingle and share your happiness and sadness with others that’s what God wants.
We can share money drinks or even sex with others and still remain strangers. The only way one human can mean something to another being is to share his/her feelings.
Piason Maringwa
+263774322043
