Marriage a gift from God
The marital bedroom is the only place where the enemy sometimes sleeps soundly with the enemy for months or years sometimes with one or both completely naked usually resulting in unplanned pregnancies and real children being born.
Some marriages are battle grounds from day one until divorce or death. Marriage has been and is still a gift from God and is supposed to be a life long union between husband and wife and every effort should be made to make it last permanently. The marriage vows we take on our wedding day are very clear in that they instruct us to stick together in joy and sadness , in good health and ill health until death do us part. Very clear indeed but is it the way most marriages subsist.
Today’s marriage institution is very difficult to navigate and most times some couples get married when they are already divorced. We have heard of marriages that broke up on the wedding day with some subsisting only for a couple of days or weeks before totally collapsing. What this therefore means is that the couple in question were divorced long before their wedding day. Marriage is a natural union which can never survive if done artificially or for purposes of convenience.
Sex in marriage
Sex is a very important part of any marriage as it is the glue that holds the marriage together and hence should be handled with a lot of respect. When HIV comes home with one of the couples, both partners should scrutinize each other’s past behaviours before laying blame on the one who supposedly brought it home with each spouse asking whether they did not contribute to the infection.
Sex is a two way activity and if one of the partners behaves in a way that drives the other partner out of the marital bedroom to look for sex elsewhere resulting in HIV then both parties are equally responsible and should accept the new status as both their own creation.
Some marriages are so toxic that normal and quality sex is almost impossible ending up in one or both partners going to look for sex elsewhere. Married people should make it there business to create a conducive environment for good sex in their own homes to avoid situations where one or both partners are driven outside of the home to look for sexual gratification and HIV elsewhere. Sex is such a powerful force which needs to be done to both partners satisfaction. If one of the partners is always left hungry the desire to look for sex elsewhere increases hence increasing chances for HIV infections. Couples are therefore implored to take marital sex seriously. Some people may want to know whether my wife is to blame for the HIV in our home. Truth is I suspect that when I got married to her in 1990 I was already HIV positive though I had not yet been medically tested. I only got tested when I was very ill from TB in 1999 therefore Mai Simba is absolved I am solely responsible and take full responsibility for bringing HIV to both my wife and daughter born HIV positive in 1994.Our first born son born in 1991 was not affected maybe because I had not yet infected my wife then .
The bitter Sweet Sex outside the marital bedroom
Stolen fruit is always very sweet similarly stolen sex is very sweet but usually ends with very disastrous consequences. Those ladies and gentlemen who have and are still into extramarital relationships will testify how sweet those relationships can be and how bitter they are when payback times comes. I have experienced them myself and have paid the bitter consequences as evidenced by the numerous scars all over my body. I am very happy though that I have now seen sense and am nolonger a consumer of those risky relationships as they almost ruined my marriage back then. Prostitutes and some married women have mastered the art of seduction to a point where some gentlemen will pay hefty amounts just to sleep with them. My most sincere advice is avoid these extra marital relationships like the plague that they are .
The divorce option when one tests HIV+
A lot of anger, bitterness and a sense of betrayal engulfs the supposed betrayed partner when one of them or both test HIV+ and the next move is to file for divorce. The bitterness and anger is usually more devastating if the culprit is the wife. Very few men can stand imagining their wives in the hands of another man let alone catching them red handed in the act or bringing HIV home when they are innocent sitting ducks at home. Promiscuity by men can easily be tolerated by society but that of a woman cuts deep and is a cause for loss of dignity by the wronged man because it touches on his manhood and self respect and the decision to file for divorce can appear very attractive under the circumstances.
A lot of people later regret having taken the divorce route especially if it was made out of anger and bitterness. The worst affected by divorce are usually wives who out of anger and sometimes pride and arrogance divorce or let their men die of neglect thinking that they will get other men out there and start afresh. My advice to all those wives who have this propensity to act rashly whenever they get angry because of their men’s promiscuity is always be calm and decide carefully and wisely on the best course of action to take and divorce should never be the best option. It’s very difficult these days to get a second chance in both marriage or just a casual relationship. Some ladies have been either divorced or widowed for decades with no man proposing to them let alone just asking them for casual sex and now that’s really terrible especially if one was that kind of lady addicted to sex you can only have it in dreams. Keep that HIV positive man like gold my dear lady.
When I look at my wife today some over 24 years later after deciding to stay with me and my HIV positive status she is a heroine to me because of the following reasons. When I disclosed to her that I was HIV positive and that she could go on and start a new life elsewhere as she was still young and I was then a grave case she declined and opted to stick with me till death do us part. Today she has a family, a home , children, grandchildren and a healthy HIV positive husband all to herself. Some of those husbands or wives who decided to divorce their partners because they had tested positive are either dead or living lonely lives .
Some people may not agree with what I am saying here but I am saying this from experience and I have seen what works and or not woks. I have been a very bad husband to Mai Simba and she could have chosen to leave me long back but she chose not to and here we are today a very respectable and very happy couple enjoying good health and doing a lot of stuff together. Mai Simba is that woman I have known for so long I am that man she has known and nurtured and turned into the new man that I am today. I know that some people out there fully agree with me and quite a few more regret the rush decisions they made in divorcing their partners because of HIV. The choice is yours ladies and gentlemen I and Mai Simba made our choice inspite of the pain, bitterness and anger I caused her she decided to stay on and here we are telling our story in our own unique way.
A devil you know is better than an angel you don’t know. Always listen to the man with scars.
Piason Maringwa
+263774322043
